How to Take the Best Shit of Your Life

There are few things better than taking the perfect shit. After a successful elimination you should feel light, fresh, and invigorated. Just how you deserve to feel.

Going to the bathroom is very important. Most medical professionals say we should eliminate waste 1-3 times a day.

Truth is though when it comes to ‘ dropping a deuce’ most of us are doing a pretty crappy job. We sit on a toilet putting ourselves in an unnatural position. We try to multitask and focus on reading or listening to music. We use dry toilet paper to wipe. We suffer immensely with all types of bowel movement disorders.

Being in the squatting position is how you take the ultimate shit.


There are no toilets found in nature.

We think we are smarter than animals and the mother creator but we are not.

God or whatever you think designed this place got it right the first time.

A lot of our health problems are very simply to correct. All we have to do is take a look back to nature, see what the animals and original humans did, and copy them.

Even the shoes that we wear on our feet are not natural and are causing us all types of problems.

Our closest ancestors, monkeys, squat down with their knees drawn up to their chests when it’s time to go.

Original man squatted as well.

In fact, 2/3 of the entire human population to this day don’t use a sit-down toilet when it’s time to take a number two.

Does a bear shit in the woods? Yes, it does.

If he shits in the woods and no one is there to see it did it really even happen? That’s pretty deep, I’m going to save that for a future post.

Let’s get back on track.

Urban Dictionary nature calls

It is only in the industrialized West, where we think we are better than everyone else, that people sit down to defecate just as they sit down to eat.

It’s no surprise that so many of us suffer from chronic constipation, hemorrhoids, irritable bowel syndrome and many other problems caused by trying to evacuate the bowels of toxic waste while being stuck in the sitting position.

While the sit down toilet does save your legs from the effort it takes to be in the squat position, it doesn’t save your bowels. It actually puts a strain on your organs and puts you in a position that makes it much more difficult on your body.

When sitting on a toilet, the lower end of your colon is bent. To correct this your body requires a major muscular effort to eliminate.

This effort or strain, can cause the tiny capillaries that feed the anal sphincter to burst causing hemorrhoids.

When squatting, the colon aligns itself naturally with the rectum and anus, which then can open completely and effortlessly.

sitting vs squatting

I took that image above from If you want to learn more about why squatting is superior to sitting go to that site. They have covered pretty much everything there is to say and list many studies and resources proving that squatting is better and that sitting can cause people a lot of health problems.

Benefits of squatting

  • You eliminate more waste.
  • You eliminate faster and easier.
  • You exercise your legs.
  • You protects the nerves that control the prostate, bladder and uterus from becoming stretched and damaged.
  • Prevention and cure of hemorrhoids.
  • Prevention of colon cancer.

Let’s talk about wiping.

When squatting your cheeks go into a full spread. That’s because being in the squat position allows more feces to exit the colon. It leaves less of a mess than sitting so you’ll save more money on toilet paper. Saving money is good.

Toilet paper is a stupid invention anyway. I hate toilet paper.

When you get your hands dirty do you take tissue paper and rub it around your hands til the dirt is gone?

No, you don’t do that. So why do we use this method on our precious assholes?

Get some baby wipes or a warm wet paper towel and clean your asshole the right way.

I’m talking to you shitty asshole guy.

Use water my friend.

We suffer immensely with all types of bowel movement disorders.

Here are some of the negative disorders that can occur from sitting instead of squatting :

  • Appendicitis
  • Bladder Incontinence
  • Colitis and Crohn’s Disease
  • Colon Cancer
  • Constipation (One cure can be found here)
  • Contamination of the Small Intestine
  • Diverticulosis
  • Gynecological Disorders
  • Endometriosis
  • Hysterectomy
  • Pelvic Organ Prolapse
  • Rectocele
  • Uterine Fibroids
  • Heart Attacks
  • Hemorrhoids
  • Hiatus Hernia and GERD
  • Pregnancy and Childbirth Issues
  • Prostate Disorders
  • Sexual Dysfunction

If you had the very simple choice of correcting even one of those ailments by squatting rather than sitting, don’t you think you should give it a try? What do you really have to lose?

How you can start squatting.

You have a few options. First, you can just squat on a sit-down toilet. Second, you can buy the Squatty Potty or Natures Platform. Third, you can build your own platform.

First, squatting on a sit-down toilet. All you have to do is raise the seat and stand up on the rim, then squat down slowly until your knees are pressed against your chest. If you’re doing this barefoot, squat on the seat instead of the rim.

A sink, handle or something sturdy near by can serve you as an armrest to help with your balance. Handicap stalls provide a very nice safety bar.

Pro Tip: Put some toilet paper in the bowl before doing this to avoid the ever so dreaded “splash effect”.

Second, buying the Squatty Potty. If you’re going this route you should grab the 9 inch one. This is because you want your knees as close to your chest as possible.

FullSizeRender (35)


The Squatty Potty is Doctor recommended and endorsed. It’s strong and durable, family-friendly, and will give you easier and faster bathroom visits. It complements and stores under any toilet and has over 1,000 reviews on Amazon.

Even Howard Stern uses it:

“I had…like…a full elimination. It was unbelievable. I felt empty. I was like, ‘Holy Shit!”

They offer one in white plastic, sculpted plywood and even a very nice looking adjustable bamboo one :


Third, if you’re a handy man or woman you can build a simple wooden frame to be placed around your toilet. Do it yourself.

Closing Thoughts

If you follow nature and the simple suggestion of squatting you will greatly reduce your risk of suffering from bowel movement disorders. For a clean, unobstructed colon is one of the most important prerequisites on the road to good health and long life.

As the alchemist and legendary Taoist Ho Kung wrote:

“Those who aspire to longevity
must keep their bowels clean;
those who wish to delay death
must keep their bowels unobstructed”

Check out the Squatty Potty episode on Shark Tank. It’s hilarious:

Buy the Squatty Potty for $24.99 on Amazon.

  • Cor

    There’s a great little travel bidet on amazon

    • Oh wow great call I’m going to go check that out now!

      • Cor

        This is the travel one I got.
        But I’m fairly certain squatty potty sells a cheap one for the actual toilet.
        After going to Japan you realize how crazy it is that we don’t have these things in the west and how dirty everyone is lol

        • Nice. When you were in Japan were the toilets built into the ground forcing you to squat or were they western style sit down ones?

          • Cor

            I only remember coming across one public toilet forcing me to squat, because they piss like that too. But its becoming more rare and judging by the dirty floor I dont think anyone was really squatting. I might have even given up mid stream because it was murder on the legs haha. But most were western with bidet and bum dryer.

  • Reb

    Nothing better than taking a good shit!

  • Prashant Raj

    Lol you basically described how everyone does it in India