27 Ways to be an ancient man in a modern world

This post is in response to the article that was published by the New York (beta) Times called: “27 ways to be a modern man“.

Being an ancient man today can be hard. It’s all about not following anyone or anything to do with modern society. Sure, times change and not following societal norms can lose you some friends, but who cares what anyone thinks about you. This is your world, they’re just in it. The ancient man will take majority of his ways from the past because he knows if it’s not broken don’t fix it.

1. The ancient man never buys shoes for his spouse, he makes them. Out of raw deer hide from the buck he just killed with his bare hands.

2. The ancient man has such a high level of confidence he doesn’t even know what it’s like to have ‘pretend feelings’.

3. The ancient man doesn’t go to the movies. He makes his own movies, at home, in the bedroom. And then shares the story in a game of charades at the fire pit later that morning.

4. The ancient man doesn’t eat steak. He eats heart and liver. And drinks blood. He knows that’s where all the real nutrients are. Flesh is for scavengers.

5. The ancient man doesn’t park his car. He walks ten miles or more a day. Preferably in a mountainous region.

6. The ancient man in the modern world might have a cell phone, but he doesn’t make sure it’s charged before bed. He shuts it off before going to sleep, and then wakes up to the sun light, like the Gods intended. Natures alarm.

7. The ancient man would never drink soda. Ever.

8. The ancient man doesn’t care about using the proper names for anything.  He’ll call anything whatever he wants and even makes up his own names for things. Sometimes he even grunts and points at things to get his point across. People will catch on.

9. Ancient man has 3 sons first, then a daughter. Having a daughter makes the ancient man even stronger and sharper. He spends a little part of each day maintaining his strength and barbaric fighting skills.

10. The ancient man has never washed a dish in his life. He doesn’t even use a fork. He uses his hands or his knife. Food tastes better that way.

11. The ancient man may have twitter. And if he does he will use it in any way he likes.

12. The ancient man does not use Irish Spring soap. He uses Grandpa’s pine tar soap.

13. The ancient man listens to tribal drums. The original beats by man.

14. The ancient man in the modern world never steps foot in a grocery store. He hunts for his food and gathers his plants from the woods or local farmers.

15. The ancient man has fresh air circulating his home at all times. He knows stale air is the main culprit for low energy and depression. If he can’t get fresh air he buys an air filter that circulates negative ions throughout the house.

16. The ancient man sleeps on the floor or a hard mat. He knows soft beds are for weaker beings and designed to manipulate the natural alignment of the human body, thus making you weaker.

17. The ancient man would never use a ‘melon baller’. And knows that melons should only be consumed first thing in the morning on an empty stomach. Also, he uses his custom made knife to slice it open. Or smashes it against a rock.

18. The ancient man always wears minimalist footwear. Even when he has to wear dress shoes.

19. The ancient man picks his wife up and carries her to the bedroom, smacking her ass on the way there.

20. The ancient man, shares his thoughts and feelings with his fellow warriors in his tribe, in a circle while sharing a pipe.

21. The ancient man man is too busy outside working the land and providing for his family. He has no time or place to scold his children.

22. The ancient man walks outside naked, barefoot, taking in the morning sun on his face, and the morning dew through his feet.

23. Who the hell is Michael Mann?

24. The ancient man never talks on the cell phone.

25. The ancient man in the modern world does have a gun. He knows weapons are important, and if his enemy has one he needs one as well.

26. The ancient man cries once a year, if that.

27. The ancient man is a serious force to be reckoned with but still knows when to play around and have fun. He knows life isn’t that serious, and that he never has to rush to do anything. Because in this race called life, finishing first means it’s over.